Sometimes people don't just come out and plainly state what is bothering them, and instead choose more indirect ways of expressing their displeasure
Talk about how you feel without blaming your partner.
Statements that directly assault your partner’s character can be especially damaging to a relationship.3 If a man frustrated by his girlfriend's jealousy says "You’re totally irrational!
Never say never (or "always").
When you’re addressing a problem, you should avoid making generalizations about your partner. Statements like "You never help out around the house," or, "You're always staring at your cell phone" are likely to make your partner defensive
Pick your battles.
f you want to have a constructive discussion, you need to stick to one issue at a time. Unhappy couples are likely to drag multiple topics into one discussion, a habit renowned conflict researcher John Gottman calls "kitchen-sinking
It can be very frustrating to feel like your partner is not paying attention to you. When you interrupt your partner or assume that you know what they're thinking
Really listen to your partner.
Don't automatically object to your partner’s complaints.
When you're criticized, it's hard not to get defensive. But defensiveness doesn't solve problems. Imagine a couple arguing because the wife wants her husband to do more chores around the house
Take a different perspective
In addition to listening to your partner, you need to take their perspective and try to understand where they're coming from. Those who can take their partner's perspective are less likely to become angry during a conflict discussion.
Do not show contempt for your partner.
Of all of the negative things you can do and say during a conflict, the worst may be contempt. Gottman has found that it is the top predictor of divorce.3 Contemptuous remarks are those that belittle your partner
Don't get overwhelmed with negativity.
It can be hard not to respond to a partner's bad behavior with even more bad behavior. But indulging that urge will only make the conflict worse. When couples engage in what Gottman and his colleagues calls "negative affect reciprocity
Know when it's time for a time-out
If you see yourself falling into negative patterns and find that either you or your partner are not following the tips above, consider taking a time out from your argument. Even a short break for a few deep breaths can be enough to calm hot tempers